Among Friends Have an opinion on this column? Submit a Letter to the Editor Click here to return to archives Who's to 'blame' for successful children? By Tad Bartimus Posted May 12, 2008 My mother never took full advantage of her Mother's Day opportunities, preferring a simple dinner at a familiar restaurant instead of a five-star production my brother and I always tried, and failed, to organize. My dad had a more flamboyant nature. He liked to treat himself to a Father's Day trip to the hardware store to pick out new tools, and always expected a homemade pie with cherries we kids picked from the backyard tree he'd planted when we were young. Sitting with longtime friends this spring, we reminisced about our departed parents, the erosion of family rituals and traditions, and the fact that once they're grown up, it's common for kids to be living and working far away from their parents when these holidays roll around. "It's TV's fault," said my friend who watches Rush Limbaugh. "It's Bush's fault," said my friend who watches Bill Maher. "It's Oprah's fault," said my friend who doesn't own a television. "It's your fault," I said, being their only childless friend. Huh? "You raised your little darlings to be the best they can be, and now they are, and you're not sure you like it," I said. "You assured them from the moment they were born that they could do anything. You taught them to persevere, to fulfill their potential. You gave them roots, promised them wings, and then you paid for the 17 years of schooling it took for them to fly away." My words hung in a lengthening silence. Just as I was deciding I should have kept my mouth shut, the Limbaugh mother spoke. "It's true. We raised our girls to believe there were no limits on their dreams. Now one's an architect, the other's a lawyer, and they're both single, living in big cities far away." We thought about that a while. I'd known her girls since they were born and had shared their parents' pride in their accomplishments. The last time I saw them, they were excited and happy to be independent young women exploring a larger world as their parents remained behind, anchoring their old one. The Maher mother spoke. "My son and his partner are foster parents now. We always told our kids to be themselves, whatever that is, but when our son told us he was gay, it took some adjustment. A few of our friends were shocked; we don't see much of them anymore. The church disappointed us, too. But our son is the strongest, funniest, most creative man I know. His courage taught me to stand up for myself as well as for him." The television-less mother allowed as how raising kids can be a bankrupting exercise, it was too bad Oprah didn't have any of her own to whom she could leave all her money. "Maybe that's why she's got billions," she said. "Do you think we spoiled them?" "Naw," said Maher mom. "Doesn't every 19-year-old college junior deserve a year studying French in Paris on mom and dad?" Behind the good-natured sarcasm was a lifetime of devotion, love and pride. To my friends, Mother's Day and Father's Day is still every day. The good news is that they and their husbands did a great job of raising their kids. The bad news is, the job is over. "My girls asked me once why there was an official Mother's Day and Father's Day, but no children's day," said my third friend. "I told them every day is Children's Day." They got that right on all counts.